#which is why i don't mindlessly doodle anymore

[sebdoesthings]

So do people actually experience fun when doing things they "enjoy" or is that a lie we all collectively made up? Am I just mentally ill? When people say "just have fun with it" am i meant to feel like i might as well just lie in bed doing nothing forever? Or am I supposed to fight through the mortifying ordeal of moving my body and mind because some elusive chemical in my malfunctioning brain might make me feel like it was worth it?

[bambisnc]

he's the one that's livin' in my system baby! [01]

pairing : sungchan x reader genre : fluffy roommates au <3 lil angst bc reader is really out here questioning their whole existence (js like me fr) cw/tw : none! wc : 516 w 0.0

10 days to go till finals. you are not holding up as well you would have liked. it's not as if you're not studying it's just.. the need to achieve near perfect status in each subject leads to anxiety which in turn leads to procrastination. shocker.

you sigh, pushing your chair away from the desk and stretch in an attempt to provide relief to your sore muscles - a result of being hunched over your notebook, doodling away mindlessly. you were supposed to have completed 4 chapters by now, but the 20 minute turned 3 hour break you spent watching random videos on your laptop very generously gave you a aching throb behind your eyes. hence the doodling, in an attempt to alleviate the pain.

..needless to say, it wasn't very successful. okay, you think, time for the last resort. you walk out of your room to the one adjacent to yours, and knock on its door lightly.

"'s open"

peeking your head in, your heart can't help but feel a little lighter at the sight of your roommate, sungchan, lounging on his bed with his back against the wall as he cutely frowns at some game on his phone, having already been through the hell that is finals about a week ago due to being in a different uni.

"i really don't know why you even borrow to knock anymore, not like i'd ever say no to you - even if you're just going to stand and stare at me~", being charming always comes naturally to him, unfortunately for you.

huffing a bit, trying to think of a witty reply, but that headache really just hates your entire existence huh? you wordlessly move to his bed. somehow sungchan understands what you're trying to do and complies with your wish without a single complaint because, in his own words, how could he ever say no to you?

pulling you closer to him, he lays your head on his thigh, draping a throw blanket over you with such gentleness that one could easily perceive the concern in his actions, maybe a bit too much considering you were just roommates.. because he refuses to address his feelings, preferring instead to hide behind flirty remarks - you've emphasized their friendship one too many times. he adjusts his crossed legs, phone long forgotten, as he tucks that one strand of hair that always falls on your face behind your ear.

you hear him mumble something about resting well. and then a feather soft, barely there brush of his lips against your forehead.

the slumber that follows after is heavenly, you swear you always sleep better around (or on) sungchan. not that you would ever breathe a single word of this to him. he's your roommate for god's sake - you'd rather suffer under the weight of unrequited feelings than to confess and damage the beautiful relation you've managed to form with the star athlete, who believes teasing you is a daily goal that he must fulfill.

on second thoughts, you're not sure how long you can keep your facade up...

old notes : so so self indulgent.. i'll make a prettier layout as soon as my exams r done frfr... [edit- doneish !] new notes : its a series now !11!!!! + [series m.list] [m.list]

[wyldblunt]

okay i'm not including glynach + merrilei bc i already talk abt them all the time but. when i next get the time to do other ship art (or just chattering) who are ppl most interested to hear abt.... just out of curiosity! doodles and descriptions below the cut. actually under the cut is just going to become an official intro post to these ships now that i think about it

bowyn/rhys: lazy hedonistic con artist/actor x brooding nightmare court splinter faction leader. meetcute: bowyn tried to mug him on the lionroad by pretending to be a wounded traveller in need of assistance, but, being a nightmare courtier, rhys did not give a shit

bowyn ends up following him around and giving him advice on why nmc recruitment is so bad post-HoT (gleaming nuggets of wisdom like "you're worse than evil or hated, you know. you're POLITICAL" and "you just need to lean into the sex of it all"). eventually they fall in love and bowyn agrees to settle in with rhys' faction of the court, though they firmly maintain that they're not interested in actually participating. (this is kind of not true. bowyn really loves sitting at rhys' side during big important court meetings and leaning over to crow "they're lyyyyiiiiiiiing" and shit like that.)

callas/lisk: hysterically vain nightmare tyrant x completely unhinged attack dog. callas is the count of malice, head of the spies/undercover agents of joy's end (and later more camps as she extends her reach); lisk is the captain of joy's end's vanguard and she is slobberingly obsessed with callas. callas is also glyndwr's ex.

at first callas is just using her, but they end up pretty quickly getting mutually obsessed and lisk's passion for nightmare ends up sparking callas into activity again -- she had reached a point where she was pretty much "tenured" and didn't care about actually doing anything in service of the court anymore (why would she WORK when she can just lay around eating grapes and ordering people around instead?), but with the two of them riling each other up like barking dogs callas becomes a threat again.

sigvas/sorcha/tarahnis/rue, aka The Problemcule: deeply unstable unstable party drug synthesiser x mean meathead x nice (?) meathead x creepy cheerfully submissive squire. all four of these idiot lesbians are desperately in love with lisk, but lisk only has eyes for callas. they are all messily fucking each other instead as a weird substitute.

(i don't have art of rue + tarahnis yet bc my wife and i made them literally This Week but here's a hasty cap, tara left rue right:)

sorcha is one of the vanguard hounds, first under leurent (count of blood from the twilight arbor dungeon) but then transferred to be under callas when she takes the vanguard from him, which sorcha is pissed about. she is a dickhead popular-girl jock who cares about very little aside from showing off and getting lisk's attention. sigvas and tarahnis are archers under rhys' command. sigvas, as mentioned, is an alchemist, prone to attempts at game-of-thrones manipulation way beyond their actual social ability and completely at the mercy of their own wildly fluctuating self-esteem. tarahnis is a relatively easy-going thorn hound trainer who is way more chill and friendly than you would reasonably expect a nightmare courtier to be. rue is the weird little himejoshi who follows them all around taking care of weapon maintenance and polishing their armor and breathing really loudly while watching the first three flirt with each other and never daring to imagine they could actually Participate in all of this mess (but then they do)

when the nmc schism happens in the power vacuum created after HoT (in which rhys breaks off to try to form a more logical, less mindlessly violent version of the court, and callas breaks off to try to form a version of the court that is literally worse in every possible way, and they both try to kill each other absolutely dead over it), things are going to get so gnarly in here for these four.

cadair/maelduin: fated valiants with entwined dreams, destined to protect each other... but maelduin awakens two years before cadair does, with barely any real information about him.

all their info is pretty much in these images -- we still haven't developed them much yet!!! but i loev them.

naoise/gann: beautiful gladiator with a completely empty skull x slimy nightmare court slacker. (listen we love nmc x non-nmc and are just going to keep doing it until we run out of ideas)

naoise just has enough brainpower to swing a sword and not much else. they are death incarnate in the pit and literally the stupidest person you've ever met in your life outside of it. gann is a nightmare courtier in name only -- he does not give a single shit about the ideology and is mostly just entrenched as a criminal career choice. he was originally sent off to convert naoise to nightmare, but ended up so charmed by them that now he just travels around with them while mailing back increasingly implausible explanations for why it's taking so long. now he has fallen entirely in love with them for real. oops

oh shit i forgot. gann is also glyndwr's ex

alan/glyn: what it says on the tin! co-commanders + best friends, but their romantic relationship is doomed by the narrative (and by canach).

(you know what glyn looks like.)

alan is the hero of tyria, the poster boy of the vigil, the champion of aurene; he shoulders all the responsibility and social weight that glyndwr has adeptly shadowstepped his way out of. he's also the first person glyndwr ever actually opens up to, outside of callas (BAD, many many years ago) and clooney (helped glyn escape the court, was his first relationship after callas and it was pretty weird and rocky, this was also still many many years ago). he's a safe bastion for glyn and whether he intends to or not, he teaches glyndwr a lot about kindness and patience in a way glyn may have never come around to on his own.

they're really deeply in love, but in the end glyndwr just isn't right for alan (and also, frankly, is not a good enough partner for him). glyndwr's hostility and callousness, which alan could initially brush off as quirks or at least see balanced out by the good parts of him, are too persistent and are improving too slowly. with everything else on his plate, alan can't put up with glyndwr's (increasingly glaring) issues on top of it all, and it comes to a head in HoT, where their relationship breaks down entirely and alan ends it.

i also somehow have NO SHIP ART OF THEM which is absolutely insane all things considered.

alan/clooney: alan's endgame ship! clooney is glyn's ex-boyfriend/current plug/go-to criminal contact, a secondborn who makes his living as a pirate and lives by the philosophy that as a sylvari his real duty to the dream is to have as much fun as possible to counterbalance all the horror and pain that inevitably makes it in through the world. that sounds like an elaborate excuse to be a hedonist but he takes it extremely seriously.

they meet during LWS3; alan is so exhausted and worn out by HoT (and also, frankly, by dumping glyndwr) that he can't take his pact duties anymore. glyndwr points him to clooney as a way to be discreetly smuggled away for as long as he needs. they get pulled back in pretty quickly, before alan can have a REAL vacation, but the two of them still hit it off REALLY well and end up getting very close... :3c

okay now i've gotten to the bottom of all this and realized there are STILL two more ships i haven't gotten to but that's enough for now. we'll get to them later. if you actually read all this i give u a kith

[mindrole]

Question about reposting to Twitter (sorry if it's silly): by reposting you just mean stuff you post here, right? You're not going to change course and only post there and not here?

I wish I could give advice otherwise, but I don't use Twitter (which is why I'm asking this in the first place) also hope you recovered well from being sick!

i've been good and healthy! thanks for the well wishes!

when it comes to this i prefer posting on tumblr massively, so don't worry about me moving and setting up there as a main platform or whatever! its comfy here! i like the base of lurkers i've cultivated.

tbh it is mostly a "i wanna post art on twitter because the fanbase is largely over there" kind of ego thing. at first, i assumed i would be posting in parallel, but.. honestly tweeting should be a spur of the moment thing for me, and i have no sense for maintaining side accounts and accounts for specific subjects in particular (this blog in and of itself is a miracle). also i feel watched if i'm out of my element. i don't think it's possible for me to suddenly switch my main hub of cell series posting unless i somehow gained a group of people to bounce off of on a daily basis. i can't use twitter just to post mindlessly like i do here, i like to be chatty instead. at least on tumblr i entertain myself. idk what the difference is. i can use my own personal account just fine weirdly enough, but side accounts never tend to work out and i forget they exist quickly.

basically all i've been wondering from anyone who may know or may be interested in seeing it... the methodology of crossposting my art to twitter when its been a while.. tbh all i draw these days are doodles and stuff that's only funny to me so the mental block is a little strong. it's like "eh... it's not worth the effort.."

initially i intended on mirroring my longer text posts too, like on fusetter or something, but eh... ehhh.... i'll just keep it on tumblr... it's the same thing isn't it. so i'm only concerned with my art right now

also i feel kinda dumb tagging most of the art whenever i post it. but i also don't have much reach on twitter yet, so posting art without tagging it and having people follow until i build something up feels pointless. but also back to the point feeling dumb, i don't mind being seen at all, but i don't want anyone to scroll and go "what's this guy doing here" and such... idk why but it's probably mental illness. i just don't like to stand out in a way that makes me look like i'm trying too hard. but idk how to appear effortless (<-see i overthink too much, there's probably nothing of the sort going on)

but i want to at least semi-cultivate a habit of crossposting stuff even if it's not all of it!! idk if that makes sense.

ironically i think there is very little audience on tumblr compared to twitter for the corner/niche i've accidentally occupied (i.e. being obsessed with the interlude+com+characters that barely exist for some reason especially since i don't post about the main game that much anymore). also just in general i feel like my way of thinking is too strange. i can't fathom that people keep coming back to check over here. thank yew🥺🩷 (<-he was shot out back for this)

every day i am perplexed why this blog has people keeping watch on it, i feel very humbled and happy about it but i also scratch my head a little bit. it's very fun even if confusing. i like the level of interaction i have. so i'm not gonna switch over...!!! don't worry!!!

at the very least i have every intention continuing to archive my art in the poipiku attached to the twitter account... the twitter account itself however, is at a standstill, i have no idea what to do with it, which is why i'm doing the last ditch "phone-a-follower" effort